The Things That Make Me Give In

Okay, I thought I'd have at least another six days before I had to start the probable month long celebrations, promos and other things I haven't actually worked out yet, for the release of my book. I've spent so long sure that my book wasn't coming out, I've made no plans. I've picked no excerpts. I don't even know what the blurb is on the back of the book.

And yet behold, it is real! It's as real as my lust for Alex O'Loughlin! It's as real as a really real thing designed by Professor Actua-Lee Happ-Ning of the So Real You Can Bite It clinic for the Starving Hungry! It has been released into the world like those corn husk chicken things on that animal program this morning!

Other people have seen it before I have!

I curse you for living so far away, Justine Elyot. But Justine Elyot is also fabulous, for letting me know that the book is real. It actually arrived at her house! So unless there's only one copy in existence, my book is out on Amazon UK, six days early!

ARGH!

These things aside, here is what it looks like:

In case you've forgotten, Bertha. And here is its Amazon link:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Things-That-Make-Give-Black/dp/035234542X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253904439&sr=1-1

I don't expect you to know that off by heart.

It is also available these places:

http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/displayProductDetails.do?sku=6597317

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/CatalogAndSearch/ProductDetails-The+Things+That+Make+Me+Give+in+-9780352345424.html

http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/book/9780352345424/The-Things-That-Make-Me-Give-in

But not yet, which is making me flap and fuddle and other words that don't exist, trying to decide what to do. I think what I shall do is not be able to sleep a wink tonight, in anticpation of what could be my book (a complete book that I wrote fook me!) arriving tomorrow. And then hubbie will torment me by claiming it hasn't arrived, so that he can do the Joey Tribbiani "no it hasn't, yeah it has really" fake-out like he always does.

And then I do the "I'm going to divorce you, no not really" fake-out.

But I digress.

Now go buy my book, people of the world*! It's really good, honest- even Bertha** thinks so. I'll be posting excerpts and running a contest in days to come, so you can see just how good it is with your own two eyes!***

*By people of the world, I of course mean "the three people who read this blog".

**May not be a reliable witness.

***Results may vary.

Mancandy Monday: My Inner Bear

Once, Activia yoghurt did not have adverts that featured a load of bloated women. They had marvellous, inventive, wonderful ads, that featured a creature I labelled the "Inner Bear". Behold:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7u14d0euO2c

I'm pretty sure I have an Inner Bear. I'm also dead certain that he looks like this:

I have no idea why he's male, however. Though it is nice having a man inside me, all the time. Plus it justifies me having him as my Mancandy Monday, so that it's less like I fancy myself and more like I fancy a three foot tall bear with dead eyes and chocolate round its gob.

Until it turns, goblin-shapeshifter-like, into six foot tall Alex O'Loughlin without a shirt:

There's an awful mess when he bursts out of me like in Alien. But he's worth it.

Mancandy Monday: Swedish Viking Vampires

Somehow, for me, the word "Swedish" in there makes the whole concept of Viking Vampires even hotter than it was before. Though I'm sure Alexander Skarsgard as a vampire has a lot to do with that. Behold, Eric Northman:

And also this:

And here's his hot Dad as a Viking, too:

Not a vampire one, but even so.

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I've never been a big fan of Vikings in that Romancelandia sort of way, I have to say. I don't see the title: "The Very Virile Viking" and immediatly go oh, ho-OT! Auto-buy in my Amazon basket etc etc. But the idea of a modern day vamp who was once a Viking...yeah, that's hot. That way, you get all of the seething swarthy pillage and rapey-ness, only under the surface.

And you know me and under the surface-is-ity. Cry, cry your bloody tears Eric Northman. And then boil all over me like a raging man-cano.

Review: I Kissed A Girl, ed. Regina Perry

I like erotic anthologies. I like erotic anthologies by certain editors, because you know you're going to get a good one. Rachel Kramer Bussel, any Black Lace antho (and therefore either Kerri Sharp or Adam Nevill), Regina Perry, Alison Tyler...you can't go far wrong with any of those peeps.

And so it is with this anthology:

http://www.ravenousromance.com/lesbian/i-kissed-a-girl.php

Even though it's about girl love, and I'm big into the man ogling.

But I like stuff about girl love, too. I'm not one of those readers who gets all squicked and ew vaginas about FF in my smut. I like my vagina. Vaginas are nice. It's still two people getting it on, so get over it. Etc.

And they get it on very nicely in this anthology. Particularly in Lady's Maid, by K Ann Karlsson. Which is awesome. It kind of reminded me of Sarah Waters' I'm a loveable Cockney/Irish etc working class gel type of things, only really, really horny. Excellent stuff.

I also appreciated Get Thee To A Nunnery by Samantha Jones (?!), which has a lovely cheeky turnabout playfulness that I thoroughly enjoyed. I get so tired of of innocent prudish women being led astray by giant hairy men, so this was a nice surprise on many levels.

And finally, another of my faves: Show Me Yours, by Lucy Felthouse. In fact, I liked it so much that at the end, I was flicking through pages trying to find more of it. It has the same quality I always appreciate in stories by Ms Felthouse- that of reality, of something that really happened. She makes you believe in the scenario utterly, which is something sorely lacking in much of today's erotic/erotic romance fiction.

Of course, there were other stories in this antho that I liked. Just because I've chosen to mention these three as the standouts, doesn't mean I hated all the rest. Quite the contrary- it's a solid set of stories and I hope that Ravenous Romance continues to put out anthologies by such well thought of editors, filled with much respected writers. It's the way forward for them, I feel.

Mancandy Tuesday: Sharlto Copley

What do you mean, you don't know who he is? You should- he's only in the best fookin' film of the year, District 9. And not only is he in it, but he carries the entire thing on his manager-of-Tescos shoulders, like an ant carrying a 30 million dollar Peter Jackson produced planet on its back.

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For that alone he deserves my love, even if he's playing perhaps the most excrutiating middle manager dorkus creep ever seen on a movie screen. Observe:

And that's not even the dorkiest he looks in the movie. I couldn't find any pics of him wearing his olive green knitted tank top- probably because everyone else is sanely not fancying him.

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And yet, I luff him. I even love his side-parting and his moustache and his tank top. The whole film is like watching Michael Scott (Wikus is not quite as unbearable as David Brent) being turned into an alien and forced to shoot things against his will. Just think about that, for a second. We live in a world where we can actually go to the movies and see a film about a guy like Michael Scott or a manager of Tescos or summat being body shocked like in The Fly. And then doing a bunch of other stuff that by the end has you clutching your chest for him.
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There's something about such a thing that I find astonishing.
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And the fact that he looks a lot like Hart Bochner after being squeezed through a nerdinator doesn't hurt. For the record here is Hart Bochner:

And here is Sharlto Copley:

But I'll take Wikus Van Der Merwe over either of them any day, just for his constant fookins and his glorious accent and that game of catch he plays. And for the one alien eye, of course:

Reviewing

Okay, so, I've decided that I'm going to do a weekly review on my blog. Partly because I was asked by someone if I'd possibly do a review of something, and partly because I love talking about great books.

So before I get to the actual reviewing, some rambling thoughts:

I'm not going to always be a pussycat about things, but I'm not going to be a brute. I think that's the kind of creative writing teacher I am, and it seems to have turned out all right for me in that area. I've never had someone beat me up, at any rate- touch wood.

I think I'll mostly stick to books I really love - especially ones that have influenced me, erotica-wise - but if anyone else out there would like me to review something, ask away! I'd love to review anything and everything, including "Great Knitting Patterns of Europe" and "Garden Gnomes: A History". And my blog has had a thousand visitors (ZOMG!), so it's possible someone will see my review of your awesome book/story/knitting pattern treatise.

Of course, those thousand visitors are all probably just two people visiting me a thousand times, but even so! Two whole people! Yeah!