Mancandy Monday: Tina Fey

There are many reasons why I look at Tina Fey with hearts in my eyes:

She writes, she's a funny lady without falling back on that old standby "I am pretty and can fall over", she took SNL and squeezed until it begged for mercy, along with Anna Gasteyer, Amy Poehler, Molly Shannon, Cheri Oteri and Maya Rudolph, and told it fook you for being a boy's club and proved that women are funny as though it ever needs proving anymore goddamit, and also she kind of looks like me, if she were suddenly stuffed full of beanbags until she tripled in size.

But most of all I love her for Liz Lemon. I do. I want to snog her for creating Liz Lemon, a female prime time sitcom lead who isn't glossy and perfect, who has a love affair with food and dresses like your Mom, who cares more about writing than anything else and that's okay, who has some sort of astonishing bromance with the male lead without it sloshing over into marriage and babies. You absolutely believe they are best buds, her and Jack Donaghy, and for that I will love you forever, Liz Lemon.

I don't care that top front is your worst quadrant. Let me swim in your tiny bosom, forever. Don't worry, my love- I have enough beanbags for the both of us.




Just call 1-900-okay-face. UNF baby, you know I will.

Die, Panic Monster, Die

Whenever I've got a lot of subs out, no matter where these subs are out at, I usually almost get devoured by the Panic Monster. Which means that I start out with nothing but clear horizons and vague hopes, and then play a game of Creeping Statues with the Panic Monster.

Every time I look behind myself, he pretends not to be there. But I can see him, because he's massive and purple. It's kind of hard to miss massive and purple. Especially when the massive and purple thing is down Evan Lysacek's pan-

Where was I again? Oh yeah. So there's cheery me all happy and pretending panic isn't creeping up to eat my head. But the longer the wait gets and the more weeks go by, the bigger the Panic Monster becomes, and the more sort of drooling and irrational:

I MAY BE FIVE MILES AWAY AND THIS PUBLISHER ACTUALLY LIKES YOU, BUT TOUGH SHIT! I'M GOING TO SUCK OUT YOUR BRAINS WITH MY VACUUM POWERS FROM ALL THE WAY OVER HERE OM NOM NOM.

Etc, etc.

So it's with great pleasure and relief that I stomp, briefly, on the Panic Monster's head- because I've been offered a contract for the novella I loved writing so much it pained me, Tigerlily! And it's going to be a part of TEB's Sultry Solstice anthology, about fairies and the like!

Suck it, Panic Monster. And yeah, I know I'm going to pay, tomorrow, for telling you to suck it. You're going to eat one of my arms, aren't you, but I don't care! I am happy now, shut up. I am lucky and happy and you're just a giant purple bogey that I made up.

Oh and also, Please, Sir seems to have been released a little early, on Amazon! It has my story Pleasure Keeper in it, which is a rare instance of me writing about female submission. In my own way though, obviously.

Here it is on amazon.com in print and ebook forms:

http://www.amazon.com/Please-Sir-Erotic-Stories-Submission/dp/1573443891/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1271622407&sr=8-2

http://www.amazon.com/Please-Sir-Stories-Submission-ebook/dp/B003DKKWKC/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=A7B2F8DUJ88VZ

And it has a review for it, already! Because it's orsum, and so is its fabulous editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel!

Ultimate Spanking

I meant to blog on Monday about this being out, then totally forgot. Probably because I was obsessing about something stupid, like whether Evan Lysacek would accidentally touch a vagina on Dancing With The Stars, or if someone saying this thing really means this thing and HOMG THEY HATE ME I'VE DONE THE WRONG THING ABORT ABORT, or how much chocolate can a person eat before it leaks out of their pores, etc. etc.

So here I am on Wednesday, tired for no reason and here to tell you that Ultimate Spanking was released two days ago! GO TEAM ME.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ultimate-Spanking-Miranda-Forbes/dp/1907016120/ref=cm_lmf_tit_12

Luckily, however, a book called Ultimate Spanking doesn't need my help. It's already sold out on Amazon. But I will tell you that my story, Red, is in it. Which is kind of miraculous, really, because I am weird in several different ways:

1. I'm not that big a fan of spanking. I'm an erotica writer. Who doesn't really see the appeal of spanking. Unless some dude gets spanked and gets so excited that he- Well. That's a story for another time.

2. I cheerlead for femdom. And I'm starting to feel kind of lonely, out here on this rocky outcrop. I don't think Ultimate Spanking has a single other femdom story! Am weird, man-bitch loner.

3. I can't think of a three. But I'm sure it will come to me. Oh yeah- not a big fan of writing about anal, either! Unless it's some dude who's getting-

Wait. What? Also, not sure what anal has to do with Ultimate Spanking. Though I think I actually would pay good money for a book called Ultimate Anal.

Kindle Release! Erotica Revealed! Absolutely NO Evan Lysacek!

HOMG my book has been released on the Kindle, through Amazon.com!

http://www.amazon.com/Things-That-Make-Give-ebook/dp/B003D87Q0I/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_2

You can buy it there now, and download it, for the amazing price of $7.77!

Am so stoked. In other completely and utterly writing related news, I totally forgot to mention that The Things That Make Me Give In was reviewed at Erotica Revealed, by the lovely Lisabet Sarai:

http://www.eroticarevealed.com/current_reviews.php?panel_id=1

And can I just say now, yet again, how amazing it is that so many people liked my book. I daily cannot get over that fact. The things she had to say just...whenever I'm struggling (and I have been struggling, lately. Things were coming out wrong, fear paralysed me, I psyched myself out, etc etc) I try to remember that. I remember that I've got a book published. That I've had more luck than most people dream of.

For which I am hugely grateful.

Also, did you see what I did? I went a whole post without talking about Evan Lysacek once.

BAM!

Shit.

Mad With Internet Power

I know I should be using this blog for writing stuff. I know. Please don't look at my burning shame, as I post yet another Evan Lysacek video.



Lord have mercy. Please don't widen your eyes like that, Evan, when someone promises to whip you. It only enflames the masses.

And by masses, I mean me. And by enflames, I mean I have gone wrong inside.

Dirtyville and Kinkyville!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Cover For Control!

I have to admit, I've been scared of this. Covers scare me. You just never know what you're going to get, and sometimes they don't resemble anything like what's going on in a book. I've heard horror stories from far and wide, and seen nightmares like this:

So when I get something like this:

I just have to weep tears of joy. I mean, come on. That's beautiful, right? It's got a guy and a girl on it, the colour scheme is lovely, it has "by" Charlotte Stein on it, it's sensuous and sexy and erotic without going overboard...and not only that, but by some bizarre mystery, it really really represents the contents I'm currently writing.

All I can say is that someone at Xcite has psychic powers. A man half-trapped inside a shirt, the pink knickers, the whole vibe it's giving off, of a strong woman doing stuff to some dude...I mean, none of those thing are unusual, I guess, for erotic fiction. But the fact that my book contains all of those things, prominently...I'm thrilled.

And not only that, but I now have a release date! The 8th of November. At the moment it's only available to pre-order through Xcite books:

http://www.xcitebooks.com/category-7/9781907016448.html

But it should be up on Amazon very soon. I hope. In the mean time, Justine Elyot's book (which now has an equally gorgeous cover! I love this new style Xcite is going with, I really do) is available to pre-order on Amazon already, as is KD Grace's.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Business-Pleasure-Justine-Elyot/dp/1907016422/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270328135&sr=1-5

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Initiations-Miss-Holly-K-D-Grace/dp/1907016430/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270328135&sr=1-2

So what are you waiting for?

Duh-duh-duh! DUH DUH DUH!

That was the A-Team theme, BTW.

Because I am now going to use my brand new embedding skillz to put up a three quarter sized trailer from what will no doubt be a terrible, terrible rehash!



But check out Murdock's flight helmet thingamee. While he peers through blinds. You know what he's peeping at, don't you? Me, in the altogether.

It's why he looks so frightened. But Murdock, bb, don't be frightened! We need to crash in a helicopter (plane optional) and then survive in a rainforest somewhere that looks suspiciously like Vancouver. It's sort of like Romancing The Stone, by way of The A-Team. And Cananda.