Thursday, January 1, 2009

So Just How Big Is Big Enough To Need Digital Erosion?

I'm guessing big. But I've been wrong before. I mean, Brandon Routh's package seems pretty immense in the above picture. But maybe he just has very deceptive balls. And clearly, Warner will have made no distinction. Deceptive balls still make for a fanboy eyeful, and they don't want that. It turns off their core audience to see giant thrusting bulges lunging about the place

Though I'm noticing more and more that film companies are starting to care less and less about whether fanboys are disturbed in their sexualities. No. Because much to my delight, films and TV shows are starting to cater to that non-audience, that gaggle of uninterested in horror and sci-fi and comic books femi-creatures.

It's been happening for a while. Remember back in that godawful remake of Amytiville? With Ryan Reynolds? The one in which for no accountable reason, Ryan Reynolds and his body by Beef-U-Like decide to take a bath?

Since when in movies do men take baths? It was a revelation! He'd had a hard day fighting dead Native Americans! His massive brick like muscles were aching! What better thing to do than sink into a nice hot bubble bath with candles, so that the entire female population of the world can sit up straighter in their chairs and exclaim that they never knew that they were allowed to objectify men, now! The movies are saying so! You have seen 300, right? I don't even think Zach Snyder meant to do that. Like a subconscious imp was whispering in his ear: dude, chicks dig men writhing around naked in oil. Who sort of look like they want to have sex with each other. Big numbers in March.

And okay, we took a step backwards with the erosion of Brandon Routh's spectacular bulge. But I feel we took a step forwards again with the total and gratuitous constant removal of Zachary Quinto's shirt on Heroes. Because TV's really at the forefront of the Woman Can Ogle Too movement- just check out Sawyer in Lost, always flapping his hair about and showing off his weird fat-but-muscular body. He's like some maiden in a romance novel, flouncing his flouncy fringe and accidentally losing his bodice.

And what about Alex O'Loughlin in Moonlight? What the hell was that all about? Why didn't they just grease him up and hurl him into a pit of women who've been surviving for the last twenty years on a diet of that ugger in Forever Knight and Frankenstein's monster, David Boreanaz?

Though I will admit that Angel and Buffy had Spike. Who probably started this whole mess.

Not that it really is a mess. I ain't complainin'. I'm just waiting for that Superman Returns sequel: Man of Oh Fuck What The Fuck Is That In His Underpants?


  1. Now I've just seen The Spirit at the cinema and the hero in that falls from an apartment block, is hung from his cape off a gargoyle and in order to escape has to pull off his belt and drop his pants - to the huge amusement of women bystanders. Oh yes, support the Women Can Oggle movement!

    Happy New Year Charlotte!

  2. That is such good news. The proud tradition marches on! The WCO is appeased.

    I was in two minds whether to see The Spirit. I've heard it's rubbish, but if there are semi-nude men flinging about the place...

    Happy New Year, Janine!

  3. It is a silly film, but lots of fun. Imagine "Sin City" played for laughs.

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