Monday, March 23, 2009

Mancandy Monday: Azazeal

Here's the thing about my Mancandy Mondays - and, indeed, my man fancying in general - I don't actually fancy the actors I ramble about.

I've pondered this for a while, now. Should I put Mancandy Monday: Ned, From Pushing Daisies? Or is it simpler just to say Lee Pace, even if that isn't strictly true?

I fancy the characters, really. Not the actors. And so it goes with Michael Fassbender- or in other words, Azazeal from the godawful short lived Sky TV show Hex.

I mean, just check him out on this throne:

Wouldn't you perform demonic rites for him? He's always dead cruel in anything I cast him in, too, which is unusual for me. He holds a special cruel place in my imagination that's not permitted to other man-crushes. He's allowed to break out the riding crops and the handcuffs. He has a secret Bluebeard's room in my harem, that all the other menz try to break into.

But they never will, because it's only for cruel cruel bastwards like Azazeal. He makes bastwardy look cool and also truly sexy, with his almost accented icy voice drifting over me, and his eyes like glaciers.

Also everyone knows- those kids in Eden Lake? Would have got the pounding of a lifetime. As though you ever antagonise Azazeal! Morons.


  1. Oooh, you minx, you mentioned Azazeal in conjunction with handcuffs and riding crops. Now I will be distracted for the rest of the day. If he'd just thought of advertising for somebody to spawn with, I'm sure he'd have been inundated with applicants.

    I agree with you - most of the time it's the character rather than the actor that grabs me.

  2. But Michael Fassbender was the Spartan who quipped "Then we shall fight in the shade," so even though he was skinnier than the other Spartans he still got top points. And he's the model for a story I've just written, in which he plays an escaped slave...

  3. Hey... I liked Hex! And I especially liked Joseph Beattie, who played Azazeal's son, Malachi.

  4. Sorry, Justine! But really, how could I not ramble about handcuffs and crops when it comes to his Lordship? And I know I'd have been the first to sign up for Spawn With Me. Hell, I'd have PAID him to give me magic powers and bonk me up against some lockers.

    Janine- you're making me drool, drool I tells ya! For a story! I have a recurring dream about Fassbender and it's back in them days, with lots of muddy field crossing and tending of wounds and temples and slaves and stuff. Hopefully will get to read your slave story when it comes out from...?...and it will help my dream recur yet again.

    And sorry, Lucy! I guess I just couldn't stand the main blonde character- she ground my gears. That, and I couldn't understand why they didn't just set it at a university. The whole school angle was very odd.

  5. Yes! The school angle was weird! And what a shit school it was too. I presume it was private, but who on earth would have paid for such a rubbish standard of teaching?

  6. WITCH!!! WITCH!!! I have just been Fassbending just now. How did you know? And was thinking about trying some Hex-Awful again. And now this ... haha and oooo freaky.

    Shit school sums it up nicely, Ms Elyot. It was just ... shit. Ms Stein and I watched the show and did much laughing. Good times.

    Still - Azazeal. The only demon on TV who makes you a herbal tea. Bless.

  7. Did any teaching actually go in in Hex? All I saw was some slutty teacher waffling in a room that looked like someone's living room.

    And Sef- it was your brain waves that did it! I wasn't even macking on him that much, but suddenly he just popped into my brian for Mancandy Monday.

  8. *sends brainwaves to pick next victim for MCM*

    That sounded far more sinister than I intended.