Mancandy Monday: Craig Bierko

Who? I hear you cry. Well, I hear you cry that about most of my Mancandies, but this is a particularly egregious example of people not knowing who he is when everybody should. Seriously, he should be a massive star. And not only because he's 6"5.

I mean, just take a look at him:

He's gorgeous, in a way that just skims conventional but doesn't leave you feeling too boring. He's built like a bear:






But he's not rippling with testosterone and bulging in a way that makes you think of about-to-burst sausages. He could conceivably play Garg from the planet Buttcheek, in a sexy novel entitled Aliens That Mysteriously Look Like Ginormous Human Alpha Beefcakes, And Want To Have Sex With You. And yet he's also totally funny and witty and sardonic and all of those awesome things that Garg so often lacks.

He may well be the perfect man. He's got charisma out the yin-yang. But somehow, he's only slightly more famous than your local bin-man. It's a tragedy, I tell ya! Can't somebody give this man a sitcom that isn't cancelled in five seconds, and lets him wise-ass his way through a mess of gloss, ala Nathan Fillion in Castle?

Here look, I'll invent a sitcom/crime procedural/mix of the two for him. He's a smart-assing journalist from the right side of the tracks, who hooks up with a fat, ugger of an FBI agent called Sharlotte Chein. She's meant to be too-thin and too-pretty, but it's my show so shut up. He keeps getting himself into trouble, like ending up down a well in a serial killer's basement, and she has to bail him out by using night vision goggles and being Jodie Foster.

Sounds awesome, eh? That'll never get cancelled in a million years. Mix in a bit of other shit and some movies everybody loves, and it's gold. Don't worry, Craig Bierko. I've got your immense back.