I Wuz Interviewed

By Rachel Randall, and am posting my answers to her questions here as part of our Sultry Solstice authors asking each other questions thing! Of course, that may mean that actually, Rachel never asked me any questions at all. I'm just asking myself questions, because I need committing, immediatly. Or maybe Rachel herself doesn't even exist, and I've made her up and her questions and she never wrote a novella in the Sultry Solstice collection at all. It was me, disguised as Rachel.

Sorry, Rachel. This rumour is now going to haunt your career forever, and everyone will be all like- why do you pretend to be that much more rubbish Charlotte Stein? And we'll only get famous for doing this bonkers thing like that author with the cover that has a girl with three arms on it. Or summat.

Anyway. Interview.

1. You've been touring various blogs and I've seen your poems LOL. Start us off with one for Tigerlily.

Oh fairy guy who's kind of like the Terminator
Only not Michael Biehn
And not a robot from the future
You look like Zachary Quinto
And can do sex voodoo
Which is awesome
For my heroine, Mae.
I mean
Both the sex voodoo,
And the fact that you look like Zachary Quinto.
Because who on earth wouldn't want
A sex voodoo practitioner,
Who looks like Zachary Quinto?

2. What is it about fairies that drew you to write a Sultry Solstice story for Total E-Bound's collection?

Magic, mystery, things half-remembered from the movie Labyrinth. The sensuality of summertime. And the fact that writing for Total-E-Bound is so orsum.

3. As a writer myself, I'm always curious about the pain/pleasure of other people's creative process. In five words only, describe how it was for you writing Tigerlily...

Surprisingly painless. Cathartic. Nostalgia filled.

4. There's definitely an element of "The One That Got Away" going on for your heroine Mae...

It's not so much the one that got away in the sense of an old boyfriend...but maybe the one that got away in the sense of a love that once was and that seems to dissipate over time, then returns when you least expect it- in a different form?

5. Can we talk for a minute about the hot that is your cover for Tigerlily? I would think that with three gorgeous people on The Festival Spirit's cover, I'd out-do you on the hotness, but the way the couple are touching on Tigerlily is absolutely SMOKING. Give us an exclusive excerpt that lives up to the package!

I don't want to give too much sexiness away, but hopefully this gives a hint as to the smokingness of Tigerlily:

"I cannot possibly be horny again," she said. She came close to rolling her eyes at herself, but stopped, when she noticed his inexplicable horniness, pointing directly at her.

Or not so inexplicable, really, when she thought of it. He was obviously some sort of sex sprite or demon or maybe like Pan, with the reed-flute, and all of the rampant orgiastic lust running through him.

"You’ll feel aroused when I am. And I, in turn—"

"I get the picture. The really, really crazy dirty picture."

"Do you really think sex is dirty?" he asked. He had his hand at her collarbone, and it wasn’t trailing upwards. Soon it would be at her breasts, where the nipples had already peaked. The low hum between her legs was making her hips roll, heedless of her good sense.

"No. No. And even if I did, you make it seem so…I don’t even know the words. Of the earth? One with nature? Some other pagan voodoo that I don’t understand."

"Beautiful?" he offered, and she thought that fit very nicely indeed.

6. Readers are going to love Tigerlily and that means they're going to want more Charlotte Stein. Which of your other stories should they go for next?

Well, I've got a sci-fi time travel threesome thing coming out on August 9th from TEB- Past Pleasures. It's as dirty as hell and pretty fun, I think! And then on September 10th I've got my first release from Ellora's Cave coming out. It's called The Horizon, and I'm mega excited about it. It's quirky and silly and based on my love of all things sci-fi, from Firefly to Red Dwarf to Terminator and Total Recall. Plus it's dirty. And there's sex pollen.

7. One last question, but this one's for Mae. Brad or George?

As Mae is, essentially, me, I'm gonna have to say George. No self-respecting heroine of mine could ever love Brad. He's too...golden.

And you can buy Tigerlily, here:

http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?strParents=&CAT_ID=&P_ID=845

What are you waiting for? It's only £1.69!

Also, you can buy Rachel's novella, The Festival Spirit, here:

http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?P_ID=846&strPageHistory=related

Because she is real. Honest.

Small Things I've Learnt As An Erotic Romance Writer: Part 1

For the first in my series of extensive, dry and beardedly patronising lectures on the positively minute number of things I've learnt while writing and thinking about bonking, I'm going to discuss a particularly thorny and complex issue.

Namely, never mention that your characters need a poo.

Just don't do it. Don't do it ever!

I know the urge is there. I know you might think to yourself: but everyone poos! It's realistic, to have my heroine say "God, I really need a poo".

But resist. You must resist.

If the urge overwhelms you, try phrasing it a little bit more like: "God, I need a crap" or "I'm just gonna go take a crap". Somehow, that just sounds more palatable. More grown up, maybe, and less about things you do in the potty? I don't know.

Just please. Say no to poo.

And thus endeth my first in this series of deadly serious lectures, that I carry out while wearing and stroking a beard.

Mancandy Monday: Sam, From Tigerlily

As you probably know by now, I love all my heroes. I wouldn't write about them, if I didn't love them. Some image, or actor dude, or film sparks something in me, and I just have to write about the guy all of these things create in my lust addled mind.

And in the case of Sam, the lust addledment came from various things.

I added a little of this:

Followed by a little of this:

And some of this:

And oh yeah, this:

And I mixed them all together like some unholy recipe of bulging tights and gnarled sex Gods and giant eyebrows, and made a bundt cake of spicy hairy deliciousness. I've no idea why it's a bundt cake, or, indeed, why it is hairy, but there it is. The inner processes of my ever horny mind.

.

I don't think it will surprise you that these processes are about one-tenth things like settings, and characterisation, and about nine-tenths bulging tights, and hairiness. But I thought I'd share anyway, just in case you were worried that I was falling down in the man-lusting department.

**************

And if you fancy a bit of spicy bulgy hairiness yourself (I promise, hairiness is minimal), just go here: http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?strParents=&CAT_ID=&P_ID=845

Interview and Winners!

So I made my two hands into the official draw device, and used tiny bits (so tiny that I thought the sun God Ra had entered my competition) of cut up post-it as the draw ballot things, and picked TWO winners! That's right: TWO. How wonderful and generous am I?

And the winners I picked are:


Verona St James and Cara Mckenna! Just email me, ladies, at charlotte_stein@hotmail.co.uk for your free copies of Tigerlily!


And now to other business. You see, Tigerlily is actually part of a collection at Total-E-Bound. The Sultry Solstice collection. And over the next week or so I hope to post interviews with the other delightful authors in this collection, and hopefully be interviewed by them!


The first author I had a delightful chat with is the lovely Rachel Randall, who put up with me asking some very weird questions indeed!


1. You noticed my mad poems, and therefore I am going to write one in your honour. Tell me some things about yourself first, so that I may do so:

This was actually very hard question as I didn't want to unduly influence the direction of the poem. (One wrong answer and it could go Vogon...)

But here are 5 random things about me :)

- I love bling. I have an entire cupboard of it. If it sparkles, I wear it.
- I live in a period deco apartment with a stained-glass ceiling.
- I appeared on a game-show when I was five years old.
- My favourite place is London, more specifically the South Bank, with a glass of Pimms in hand and the sun setting over Waterloo Bridge.
- I'm VERY excited to be writing erotica through Total E-Bound. The Festival Spirit is my first e-book release and it's fantastic to be in the company of you, Bronwyn and Jessica for the Sultry Solstice collection (taking all the pressure off my first time LOL).


2. My fairy inspiration has always been Labyrinth. If you too have a fairy inspiration, tell me all about it. Don't be scared. I am greedy for information, but not your immortal soul:

You remind me of the babe. What babe? The babe with the power!

Ahh, yes. Labyrinth? ME TOO.

In The Festival Spirit, Mira’s journey through the forest to find Johnny definitely drew inspiration from the muppety masterpiece, as did her conflict.

You have no power over me.

Looking back at my adolescent self, I can only be grateful that Sarah was able to say those words for me because, wow, they were a lie. I suspect Jareth (the hair! the crotch!) holds most of us in thrall to this day... Though wasn’t he officially a Goblin not a fairy? I’ve never been clear on that. (Interviewer's note: He was the Goblin King, but I got the impression he was King of a lot of things. Including my groin)

3. My greed also wishes to hear more about your fabulous story, The Festival Spirit. Even though I actually already know all about it. But for the purposes of introducing you to Bertha, and my other three readers, it is necessary to maintain this facade:

Music festival. Hot rockstars. Angry fairy. Tree bondage. Long-time lusting. Dominance and submission. Mind-control. Come or die.

Want more? The Wordle tells all.














4. And now my greed wishes to hear of things you are working on, so readers eager for more can salivate in anticipation.



Threesomes, lots of threesomes. (What can I say, I’m greedy too!)


Plus, Lee’s quite demanding. He’s pushed his way into my Christmas story -- it’s about a holiday sex party, why wouldn’t he want to be invited? He’s also shagging Mira in The Festival Spirit prequel I’m currently writing as a free story. If he promises to misbehave, I may give him his own story to star in.


Hopefully I’ll have good news to share about these projects and more soon!


5. And finally, Rachel, you must answer the most important question in life. More important than chocolate spread or jam. More important than cake or death. The question: which vampire is best, Eric Northman, Edward Cullen, Mick St John, him out of Fright Night, or Gary Oldman? Choose wisely, my friend, choose wisely.


Oooh, I'm afraid for me it's Spike, Season 5, all the way (Interviewer's note: I CANNOT believe I didn't include Spike. What is WRONG with me?). I think it was the leather jacket. And when I think of Edwards, I don’t think of sparkling vampires, I think of blond sociopathic bounty-hunters with flame throwers. Why Anita never ditched the vamps to go with Death, I'll never understand.

And that's the end of the interview! Apart from the poem that I've now created, in Rachel's honour:

Oh, Rachel thinks it's an honour to be in my company,
So clearly she's mad.
But she's right about the other two,
So I'll give her credit for some sanity.
Also she likes London and was on a gameshow
So she's pretty orsum.
In fact, I think she may
Be very orsum.
After all, she reminded me of Spike
When I'd forgotten about him,
And she also
Sparkles.
Like Edward Cullen
Only totally not rubbish.

And a link to her wonderful novella, The Festival Spirit!

http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?P_ID=846&strPageHistory=related

Tigerlily

So my latest novella, a paranormal about fairies and the like called Tigerlily, is out from Total-E-Bound today. And I'm excited for more than the usual release day reasons. I'm excited because:

a) The subject matter of Tigerlily is very close to my heart. It's the sort of story I've always wanted to tell.

b) It's my first release in the past tense, which may not sound like a big deal, but is for me.

c) My editor seemed to really love it, so I'm hoping people will at least like it a little bit.

d) I can't think of a D. I'm just excited.

So excited that I've done a bit of a blog tour! With many kind authors who've agreed to host me. Cora Zane has already posted my stuff on her blog, here:

http://corazane.blogspot.com/2010/07/featured-tigerlily-by-charlotte-stein.html

But either today or over the coming days I should also be appearing and making messes all over the blogs of:

Justine Elyot

Lucy Felthouse

Jeremy Edwards

Elise Hepner

On top of promo stuff, I've also written poems in their honour, so do drop by and say hello! And laugh at my poem-making abilities.

And now, for some super fabulous exciting info about Tigerlily, to hopefully make you as happy in your underpants as I am, about it:

Amazing thrilling blurb:

Oh what’s a girl to do, when she finds a sexy, naked man in her back garden?

When a naked guy turns up in Mae’s back garden, she can’t decide if he’s crazy or sent from heaven. He can’t remember his name, or where he’s from, but he seems to know one thing for certain- Mae is in need of some hot loving, and fast.

However, the more he persuades her to let go and give in, the more she finds herself believing that she’s met him before. But childhood games with a boy who she’s sure had wings on his back are giving way to her deepest sexual fantasies, and dreams of another world entirely are not far behind…

Shocking exciting excerpt:

“There was a guy, running a blue streak through the trees. Mae Connelly could see him, even amidst the febrile greenery and the lowering light, arms pumping. Legs pumping. Cock swinging in the breeze.

Which was when she decided to stand up, and get a better look.

Purely out of simple curiosity, of course. Nothing unseemly about stepping off your porch to gawk at a man who appeared to be running through the field behind your house, buck ass nekkid.

And it didn’t sadden her—not even a little—when he ploughed into the long grass and everything below the waist got cut off. No—not even a little bit, uh-uh. After all, she was just a concerned citizen.

Concerned about someone who sure looked terrified. He looked more than terrified—she could see him, turning his head every five seconds as though expecting to see hellhounds behind him, chomping at his heels. He kept almost stumbling, like fear wouldn’t let him keep his footing.
And as he veered closer to her house, she could definitely make out red, striping his upper arms. The fact that said upper arms were sinewy with muscle and very nice indeed took a shameful backseat.

She shouted before her brain confirmed that doing so was a good idea.

“Hey!”

It was definitely not a good idea. He fell almost immediately, at the sound of her voice. She saw him turn, and then it was all just tits over ass and nothing but the long grass, stirring, to suggest that he had ever been there.

All the possible reasons that someone could be running, naked and terrified, went through her head: escape from a forced nudist colony. Being hunted by a Terminator from the future. Sex game that went horribly, horribly wrong. Or right, depending on your kink.

But none of them seemed either a) plausible or b) sane. As far as she knew, forced nudist colonies didn’t even exist. And likely Terminators and time travel machines didn’t, either. Especially not ones that sent you through time with your ass hanging out.”

Stupendous link of wonder, from whence you might purchase this delight:

http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?strParents=&CAT_ID=&P_ID=845

Gorgeous cover image:

Image of hot dude, to fool you into buying by making you think you're going to get to take a chunk out of this sweet candy:

Of course, Tigerlily's hero is *based* in part on Zachary Quinto, so maybe in that department you won't be too disappointed.

And finally, I am of course running a competition for you to win a copy of this naked Quinto candy! All you need to do is comment, maybe say something about fairies or the movie Labyrinth (which inspired Tigerlily), maybe just wave, and I'll put you all in a hat.

What have you got to lose? Apart from your hand, because the hat is like a bear trap and will close if you're not quick enough putting your name into it.*

*Not really**

**No, really.

Kind Of Like A Log Flume

That's what a blog tour is, right?

Okay, so that's what I'm trying to do. I've got a release out on Monday, and I'd really, really like to get my knickers wet and feel kind of like I'm going to throw up, as I always do when I ride a ma- ride a log flume. Or in other words, I'd like to mess up other people's blogs, briefly.

So if you're out there, and you wouldn't mind hosting me on your blog for some day next week, just drop me a line! Post a comment on this blog, email me at charlotte_stein@hotmail.co.uk, whatever you want to do.

And if you don't want me sprawling all over you private space, that's totally ok too. I won't hold it against you. I just thought I'd ask, because I'm rubbish at promo but I like other people, and talking to other people on their blogs would be cool and not terrifying. Unless Evan Lysacek calls and wants me to post on his blog. Then it's totally terrifying.

Plus, I'll do anything you like! I can answer those burning, evol questions you've been dying to ask me, or I can do a little tap dance, or write you a poem. Or you know, be less like your own private dancing monkey, and more like someone with a small promo informational like those ads that come on late at night and go on forever and somehow you wind up watching them anyway, because my God, how DO all those stuffed animals fit into that tiny bag?

It's like magic. I could totally do magic on your blog, with stuffed animals.

Anti-Mancandy Monday: Edward Cullen

Because it's Saturday. And Saturday is somehow the opposite of Monday.

And yes, I know everyone rags on Edward Cullen. It's become somehow the cool thing to do, along with despising Twilight. But I don't exactly hate Twilight, and I don't hate him. I've just found him progressively less hot from movie to movie until I arrived at this place, while watching Eclipse last night.

Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson is not hot to me. And not just because he's kind of a stalker, talks over Bella a lot and seems to think she can't make her own decisions, is ludicrously old-fashioned and hasn't progressed at all in hundreds of years and is sometimes a douche.

It's also because of these things, that I'm going to scientifically break down in a logical Professor-ly manner.

1. He wears uglymake-up.

Exhibit a:

Not even nice make-up, like Michael Sheen in eyeliner. Ugly make-up.

2. He wears too much of this make-up

Exhibit b:

3. He has stupid contact lenses:

His natural eyes are much better.

4. He pulls dumb, constipated looking faces when he's trying to seem loving.

5. I'll go with an easy, too obvious one. His face is a bit like a banana.

And yes, I know a lot of these things aren't Edward Cullen or Robert Pattinson's fault (the constipation aside, that's totally his fault. Eat more fruit, Edward!). But even so, all of them contribute to my feelings of non-hotness, towards him. And I have to live with that. Daily, I have to face the fact that I like weirdos and goofy looking motherfookers, but cannot fancy Edward Cullen.

It's a tragedy. If only his face wasn't a bit like a banana, and the make up lady hadn't gone nuts with the foundation and the lipstick and Robert Pattinson had taken some Ex-lax! If only, if only. I could have loved him, and been normal.

But alas. Instead I'm just...this thing.

Some Things I Have Watched

Here are some things I have watched, lately. I hate the summer, I hate the silence, I hate having nothing to do but wait and wait and wait and summer usually contains nothing but awful news anyway, and I'm trying to write but the silence is crushing me so:

Paranormal Activity: Much more creepy than it was jumpy, but creepy is better because creepy lingers in your mind. Afterwards, even hubby was like- DID YOU JUST HEAR THAT?? FOOK SOME KIND OF GOAT-SOUNDING DEMON IS COMING UP OUR STAIRS TO MAKE YOU KILL ME. Soz. Kind of some spoilers, there. Tho there isn't an actual goat-demon in the movie, it just sounds like one to me. Also- the chick in it looks a lot like me, and so can play a cuter, thinner version of myself in the story of my life: "Who The Fook Made This Thing, And For What Possible Purpose?"

Smart People: I think the above title of my life story should actually be the title of this movie. I usually love artsy fartsy indie movies, too, like Me and You and Everyone We Know, Away We Go, Margot At The Wedding, etc. But this one was just...oh, sigh.

Eagle Eye: A good, fun thriller. Thrillers tend to be so po-faced, now- not all slick and dumb like they were in the early nineties. So it was good to see a slick, pretty dumb thriller for once, with some engaging leads and no constant rain and depressed faces.

The Mutant Chronicles: Just what is this. What. I'm not even going to put question marks in there, that's how much WTF it is. This movie transcends my disbelief, and eradicates question marks. Awful.

Pretty Woman, or "Richard Gere's Character Is Such A Douchebag". I've seen the movie before, but I just wanted to stress again how much I hate it. I like a good alpha male. I think alpha males can be sexy and awesome (Clive Owen in Shoot 'Em Up, springs to mind), but personally I prefer an alpha that's been dialled down from the factor eight million he is here. Stop smirking, you douchebag. Yes, we realise you're much smarter with loads more power than a dumb hooker. Quit rubbing her face in it, you arrogant ass.

And that is my report on some things I have watched. I am hopeful that better movies are in my future, such as the thing I'm most excited for- Predators. Come ON Adrien Brody and Topher Grace! Bring that vagina-faced shit.