Mancandy Monday: Daniel Dreiberg

There are three ways in which Daniel Dreiberg is actually probably my ideal man.

1) He is the most totally beta that ever beta-ed. He's so beta, he's practically omega. He's so beta, that v-necked jumpers and tank tops aren't enough for him. He has to wear an actual honest-to-God cardigan.

I swear, it's a cardigan! Look at him here, in the movie version of Watchmen:

That's a cardigan. And it's, like, olive.

Plus, check out his hair! The massive glasses! The worried look on his anxious face! Be still, my aching woman-parts.

2) He's secretly a super hero. Yeah. You heard that right. So while everyone's busy laughing (except for me) at how much of a beta he is, and maybe plotting to steal his lunch money, and possibly talking about how much tougher that nerd Clark Kent is than him, what's Daniel Dreiberg doing?

That's right, bitches. He's saving people from actual riots. He's braving burning buildings, being his secret badass Nite Owl self. He's only fookin' flying around in the goddamned owl ship he built with his own two beta geek hands.

And did he need to advertise that fact? No, he did not. Does he make you feel like a whimpering, simpering idiot, because he just saved your life? Of course he doesn't.

Because the whole time he's Nite Owl, he's also Dan Dreiberg. Who is all the many things I love about beta men: kind, considerate, intelligent, funny, humble, and a roaring repressed animal in bed.

3) But wait. Wait for the kicker. THIS is the man playing Daniel Dreiberg.

Yeah, I can't hear those mean girls laughing now, Dan. The jocks have all fallen silent. Because THIS is what you look like, underneath.

But I want you to know, Dan, that I don't care. Wear those glasses forever. Have that weird receding hairline until the end of time. You go on, rocking that olive cardigan. I don't mind if you never look like Patrick Wilson. I don't mind if you're not in your Nite Owl rubber.

It's you who makes me hot, Dan. Just you. I want to have lots of butt-thrusting sex with you to the song Hallelujah, and comfort you when you're feeling impotent, and beat up bad guys in alleys with you.

That Laurie Jupiter is soooo lucky.