But let's say you don't know me. You have no idea that Gabriel Kauffman is one of the main characters in my first ever novel, Control. Or that he is bound to be a certain way, because I have a kink in my make-up, a fetish for this sort of man, an uncontrollable urge to smear him all over my writing because of many things, all of them strange.
In which case, allow me to paint a picture of Gabriel. And also a picture of the insides of my head, thusly:
1. He puts plastic on his furniture. I honestly don't know why I find a man who puts plastic on his furniture so compelling, or so sexy. Maybe it's the smell of polythene. Maybe it's the thought of him lovingly encasing everything but his penis in giant condoms. Maybe I should just move on to the next thing about Gabriel, and why I like him.
2. He side parts his hair. Oh God, for a man who side parts his hair! The rigidity. The nerdiness. The urge in me to lick the line of white between the two wings of black...oh.
3. His hairiness. Yep, I've said it before and I'll say it again. There is nothing quite like a man who's outwardly repressed and uptight, but inwardly hard-bodied and covered in manly hair and I'll move onto the next one to fully expand on this concept.
4. The fact that he surreptitiously reads dirty books. Mainly ones aimed at women. I loved writing him and just loved him for that for two reasons. a) It meant I got to express my love for Black Lace and the burgeoning erotic romance genre through him, in a cheeky way and b) It means he's horny. Beneath the glasses and the general Clark Kent get up and the tweed, Gabriel Kauffman is irrepressibly, rampantly horny.
And that, ladies and gents, is why I adore Gabriel Kauffman. It's why I wrote a good half of a book about him and his adventures with Madison Morris and Andy Yarrow. And you can read that book right now, because it's out today.
It's not yet up on Amazon, but you can get it through third party sellers, here:
You can buy it here on the Kindle:
Or you can get it direct from Xcite, in PDF or paperback form:
(where it's also three for two on most of their erotic books)
Or here at the Xcite US store:
Or you can enter a giveaway to win a copy, here, at Goodreads:
And you can also enter a competition that I'm going to do right here- though this one's going to be a little different. It might not work. Maybe this is a dumb idea. But I'm going to give it a go anyway cos I was never one to shy away from dumbness. As you know.
Anyhoo, here it is: buy a copy of Control. PDF, paperback, doesn't matter. Read it, and then email me with the answer to the following question:
1. Name the four books Madison finds in Gabriel's drawer under the bed, that she then cites as her favourites.
The competition will close on December 1st, at which point I'll draw out a name from the hat. And because I'm asking you to go to some trouble in order to win this competition, the winner will receive a far more fabulous and cool prize than just one plain old copy of my newest release. Oh yes. The winner will receive a copy of all of my ebooks - including the upcoming Master Me anthology from Total-E-Bound http://www.total-e-bound.com/product.asp?strParents=&CAT_ID=&P_ID=981 - and paperback copies of the Cleis Press anthologies Fairytale Lust, Fast Girls and Orgasmic.
What do you think? If you like it, enter it! Maybe you've already bought Control, in which case- easy peasy! But remember- don't comment with your answer. Email me at email@example.com
Even if it's just to tell me how dumb this idea is.
Next week: Andy Yarrow, and how man-candy-licious he is.