Mainly because I don't think I want to leave the two guys at the centre of the action too early. I just don't. I can tell. I want my heroine to keep porking them until the end of time, and at the moment she's only just started getting into the really dirty stuff.
She needs at least another 20k, in order to progress towards even dirtier, filthier stuff. I mean, come on. She's just been through two years of zombie hell. She had to mow them down in a big truck. Her best friend is dead. She deserves 20k extra of hot lovin', surely?
And I mean, just look at them.
They're hot, right? And if this makes my novel kind of like The A-Team only with more zombies and more nakedness and loads of threesomes, then so be it. I got no trouble with that. I wish The A-Team movie HAD contained more zombies and nakedness and threesomes. It could have been called "Sharlto Copley and Bradley Cooper Get Nude A Lot, Then Run Away From Zombies".
I mean, I don't know where the threesome equation comes into that, but after I've sat for an hour watching their wangs flap around in the breeze as they try to evade being eaten, I'm sure I could come up with something. After all, it's The A-Team. They could probably build a woman out of old bits of pipe and half a car battery.
And then you know. They do something with the woman they've built. Even though that sounds kind of depressing and like some sort of commentary on how sad and alone we all are, and especially when there's a zombie apocalypse going on.
Plus, just to be clear- my novel isn't really about two guys building a robot woman after being chased naked by zombies. Because that would just be...well. It would be totally orsum, but that's not the story I've written. I feel you need some sort of realism in a zombie apocalypse story, and that kind of gets chipped away just by having the zombies and the eventual threesome, so best that I avoided the whole robot angle.
And went with them finding a human woman who's dead inside, and then bringing her gradually back to life with the healing power of their total magnificent handsome orsumness.
God. Can you imagine if The A-Team movie had been like THAT? I mean, don't get me wrong. I loved it. I loved Murdock saying "Bosco, the buttons are confusing me". But how much better would it have been if he'd said "Bosco, my sexual feelings are confusing me"? Even if I have to confess I kind of can't get into A-Team slash that much because weirdly, Sharlto Copley/Murdock seems like the least gay man to ever exist in the history of the world.
It stretches the bounds of credibility, for me. Probably in the same way that having your heroes and your heroine bonk for the rest of the apocalypse stretches the bounds of credibility. But come on. I totally owe her that extra 20k of hot lovin'. I killed her whole family, after all. She should totally be allowed thousands and thousand of words about horny sex with hot guys.