So I've been kind of neglecting you of late, blog. Yeah, I know it. I can feel you always on the periphery of my mind, your sad little last dated post getting further and further away. Is it really over a week since I last loved you?
I'm so sorry, blog. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm just...well. Not a jealous guy. I mean, you haven't given me anything to be jealous of, have you, blog? It's not like you're off having flings with other, better, more interesting blogs behind my back. Like that Justine Elyot, who's got this mammoth free read thing going on over there when you've just got...Paul Schneider.
God, I knew you'd turn this around on me, blog. It's not that you're a cheating hoor, it's that I'm not filling you up with satisfying content! I mean, don't you see how much that hurts me, blog? I try and I try and I try to come up with silly Mancandies and useful updates and sexy bits and pieces, and all you do is complain about it.
Well, what do you want me to do about it, blog? Write a post-modern self-referential bollocks post as though you're a real person and I'm a hateful jealous neglectful shrew?
Well fook you, cos I just did. Ha!
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Maybe the blog secretly wants a three-way with Bertha.
ReplyDeleteBlooging can be a double edged sword.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I see the typo, but this way's more amusing.
Ha, Jeremy, I was about to enquire after Bertha!
ReplyDeleteI admire people that can do proper blogging with loads of insights and commentary and suchlike. I must admit, I find it hard, I suppose because I'm 'being me', which I'm surprisingly uncomfortable with. Fiction is much easier.
I always think when I post something mad that no-one will comment! So nice of you all to stop by.
ReplyDeleteJeremy- shuuuusssh. The blog and Bertha are mortal enemies! If they hear you talking like that, they'll attack.
Jo- Hee hee! Blooging. I like it. And it can be- on the one hand, you get to promote your work and show people what you're like. On the other hand, people get to know what you're like. And when you're me, that means "not normal".
Justine- Ah, she's fine. She's put on great-grandma's old dresses and is busy tearing around the attic. Happy as a lamb!
And I totally agree: re lots of content and insights and what not. I don't find it hard to me, tho, because well...this is kind of not me. It's a version of me, maybe? My most extreme weird self? In reality, I'm much quieter.
Lol! I love the madness of this blog. Please don't neglect it!
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