So I've been kind of neglecting you of late, blog. Yeah, I know it. I can feel you always on the periphery of my mind, your sad little last dated post getting further and further away. Is it really over a week since I last loved you?
I'm so sorry, blog. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm just...well. Not a jealous guy. I mean, you haven't given me anything to be jealous of, have you, blog? It's not like you're off having flings with other, better, more interesting blogs behind my back. Like that Justine Elyot, who's got this mammoth free read thing going on over there when you've just got...Paul Schneider.
God, I knew you'd turn this around on me, blog. It's not that you're a cheating hoor, it's that I'm not filling you up with satisfying content! I mean, don't you see how much that hurts me, blog? I try and I try and I try to come up with silly Mancandies and useful updates and sexy bits and pieces, and all you do is complain about it.
Well, what do you want me to do about it, blog? Write a post-modern self-referential bollocks post as though you're a real person and I'm a hateful jealous neglectful shrew?
Well fook you, cos I just did. Ha!