Rolling into King's Landing in his pimp mobile, with his badass self all up in Ned Stark's face, going on about how Catelyn Stark totally gave it up to him that one time because Jesus Christ how could she not? I'd have given it up to him the moment he clicked his fingers, despite the fact that he is:
a) A fictional character in a series of fantasy novels by George RR Martin.
b) A total pervert, perving all over a thirteen year old girl. Though luckily, Sansa Stark looks about twenty-seven in the TV adaptation, so I don't have to get too skeeved out every time I watch Aidan Gillen (the guy who plays Petyr) almost lick her shoulder with his long, lascivious tongue. And yes I know Aidan Gillen has a long lascivious tongue because over the weekend I watched him RIM SOME GUY on the TV show Queer as Folk. Which begs two questions: why did I not have this show in my life before? And: why did I not have this show in my life before? IT HAS AIDAN GILLEN RIMMING SOMEONE IN IT. HIS TONGUE ACTUALLY GOES BETWEEN SOME GUY'S CHEEKS I SWEAR TO GOD I ALMOST MELTED.
c) A complete bastard. No, no really, he's a bastard. And I'm not even really spoiling what happens next in the TV show saying that, because just fooking look at him, for God's sake:
They couldn't have made him more obviously evil looking if they'd given him a scar down one side of his face and a pointed black hat.
And even if the look of him with his evil pedo beard isn't enough, the fact that he is played by Aidan Gillen should be an almighty giveaway. Because not only has Aidan Gillen made a career out of playing some of the skeeviest characters man ever put to celluloid, there is also a picture of him out there looking like this:
I mean, just take a long look at that picture. Have you ever in your life seen a more evil looking human being? I didn't even know they MADE humans that evil. It's like all the evil in the world is shining right out of his eyeballs. I'm afraid to look at them, and they're only made out of pixels on my computer screen!
Though in all honesty, that picture is probably like the movie Ring. You look into his demonic eyes and the next thing you know, he's crawling out of your computer screen in a weird backwards crab double jointed horror show, to eat your immortal soul. I can feel him eating it now, as I type this. I want to urge you to run, run from the terror of Aidan Gillen's unholy stare, but the truth is I'd only be doing it so he crawls out of my computer screen and not yours.
I mean, I'm bound to get a couple of minutes in between screaming and being turned into a rigid corpse. I could totally do him in that time. He's so hot I'm certain it'd only take me a matter of seconds to tear his kit off and have sex with his face.
I'm sure he wouldn't mind. He's evol. Just look at him. He probably does it the bad way. With, you know. Things. And stuff.
By God I want to do things to his stuff.