Plus:
He seems as dumb as a box of cement. I mean, just look at that picture above. Do you really think he's going to understand how to remove the rest of his shirt? It looks like he doesn't know what a shirt is.
But that's okay, because I have a theory. He's not a dumb at all: he's a robot, from the future. Programmed to relay sports cliches in a strange monotone. Sent to fulfill the every desire of weird ladies who like Big Dumb Tons of Fun fellas. One of which I'm writing about right now, so please don't hold all of this against me. The Lysacek I've made up in my head makes such an excellent foil!
Just look at him here, in this youtube video I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SORT OF THREE QUARTERS EMBED!!!1!
I mean, you know, like, how awesome was that interview, or whatever? Totally awesome, I tell you what. Oh Evan, you fill my head with such thoughts! I can't wait to see you stand on your own feet in Friday's Dancing With The Stars- a program I previously cared nothing about. But now I do, because I want to feed you appolz.
ETA: Thanks to Janine Ashbless, I am no longer an internet idiot. Look at the properly embedded youtube vid!1!1!!
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