Saturday, October 15, 2011

Some Stuff What I Have Done

So, I've just subbed three novellas. I'm alternating between feeling good about them, feeling terrible about them, and having dreams that feature some weird guy wanting to buy them because they're about a character called Aleph.

Just for the record, they're not. Nowhere in any of them is there an Aleph. But you can find out a bit about two of them - Sheltered and Doubled - over at Oh Get A Grip. I posted actually snippets from them, which is a big scary thing for me. Behold:

The third one on there, Love Letters, isn't quite done yet. The third sub I sent my editor was actually Singing Electricity, my werewolf thingie that I've had on my uhm and ah burner for a while now.

Because that's the thing, you see. I uhm and ah about a WIP, and then it never gets done. I second guess it - will readers like this bit, will they like that, am I just a giant idiot - and nothing moves forward.

Even now I'm second guessing myself over a whole host of things like:

1. What if the disaster I had with awful synopses means the stink of terribleness is now all over my stories?

2. What if my sales at EC are so bad for my latest book, that it can't possibly be a yes on any of my subs anyway?

3. What if the stories are just plain terrible?

4. What if it's all of the above, plus even more awful things I haven't thought of? Maybe I accidentally subbed that fanfic I wrote about Armie Hammer and Brandon Routh having sex all over me, even though I've never actually written anything like that I swear to God. I mean, the heroes in Love Letters kind of look like Armie Hammer and Brandon Routh, but I promise I've changed their names and given them personalities I thought up.

Now they're called Artie Bammer and Brendon South, and they're...uh...singers. Yeah. Singers.*

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, back in boring old neurosis-land. Because it is boring. I know I'm boring people with it. But once you're stuck in it, it's so hard to get out of.

Though I did momentarily get out of it long enough to write about Sci-fi hunks. Hooray!

And also, All Other Things is now available on the Kindle and over at All Romance Ebooks:

Double hooray!

*For those of you who may now be worried about my writing career, the characters are not really called Artie Bammer and Brendon South, and they're not singers, either. It's a passing resemblance, and nothing else, honest guv'nor.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Mancandy Wednesday: Ryan Gosling

Okay, I won't deny it. The reason I like Ryan Gosling is almost entirely to do with his approach to sex scenes. Which is probably some method actor intense Stanislovsky thing where he immerses himself in a vagina for a year just to get it right, I know. But that's not how it comes across. To me, his sex scenes - even the tame PG-13 ones - come across like he's literally trying to kill the actress in question with sex.

And when I say literally, I mean literally. None of this half-assed figuratively bullshit. He's got laserbeams in his eyes and his cock is probably made out of Mount Doom, and he's attempting actual destruction of whoever he's in the scene with. He won't be satisfied until they're reduced to molten lava, by the sheer force of his intense raging passion.

Members of the camera crew were actually injured while filming his sex scenes in Blue Valentine, when Michelle Williams exploded. Swear to God. Rachel McAdams isn't actually alive anymore - they just cloned her out of the ash he reduced her to and what you're really looking at when you watch Morning Glory is something made out of a sheep and some leftover Molly Ringwald.

All of which suggests that I shouldn't really love Ryan Gosling. I mean, he's a lethal weapon. My vagina starts threatening meltdown just watching him through a TV screen - so Lord knows what volcanic pressures these poor actresses are under.

And it's not just his ability to telepathically control my nethers through the TV, like Sadako from Ring only orsum. There are a lot of very fierce things about Ryan Gosling that should probably frighten me.

Even though they totally don't. They don't. In fact, nothing about Ryan Gosling frightens me, and I think that's probably because he once played the sweetest, most innocent person to ever be in love with a sex doll.

I don't even know how that's possible, frankly. I saw that sex doll documentary, okay? I'm an erotic writer, and even I found them a little much to take. But not only is Ryan utterly orsum in Lars and the Real Girl, not only does he make it seem lovely to be in love with a sex doll, he's also still completely and massively sexy.

In fact, I think he's actually sexier than normal, in Lars. I desire his moustache, in it. I love his hair. I want to live in the cold with him, wrapped up in the million coats he probably has. Doesn't that sound like bliss? To be wrapped up in coats, with an intense but utterly sweet and innocent Ryan Gosling?

I think it does. And hey, if one day I managed to gently coax the volcano out of him and he ended up turning me to molten lava...well, that's okay.

I'd love him anyway.

Monday, October 3, 2011

More Winners!

Drumroll please!

The first name out of the hat to win a copy of All Other Things was...


And the second name...



Just email me at guys, and I'll get those sent to you. Thanks once again to everyone who stopped by my little blog and entered. It really does me feel all warm and gooey inside.


Charlotte xx

P.S. All Other Things is now available on the Kindle! Look, here it is: