Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Book Boyfriend- It's Bronwyn's Fault

Okay, so Janna of Erotic Romance Reader fame: http://erotromreader.blogspot.com/ tagged Bronwyn Green, of orsum writing Just Right fame: http://www.resplendencepublishing.com/m8_view_item.html?m8:item=169-201-101-441-4
with something called Book Boyfriend. Which is basically this:
We all have our favorite book boyfriends and now you have the chance to create one just for yourself and your fantasies! How do you play? Fill out the quiz below, post a picture of sexy men and tag five (5) other book addicts to do the same. Don't forget to pop to their blogs and let them know they have been tagged! Once tagged... you have to do the same, grab the button, answer the questions, and keep it rolling! But don't forget the picture of the sexy man! It doesn't have to match your fantasy man, just a little eye candy for the rest of us... heheheee!
Which totally doesn't sound right up my alley no way uh-uh.

And then her imaginary reader laughed, at Charlotte Stein's complete lack of self-awareness. MWAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA!
Yes. My imaginary reader laughs like a cartoon super villain. What of it?
So anyhoo, here are the fab questions. Which I'm now going to answer.
1.) Hair style and color:
Black as the depths of Satan's armpit. That's how I like it. Preferably side parted, but I'm open to: slicked back almost-pompadour, with optional "looks like the leaning tower of pisa after he's been laid on a pillow all night".

I'm so over the whole sticking out forward thing, ala this:

2.) Eye color and facial features:
Any colour eyes, really. Blue, green, black, hazel, grey. As long as they pluck at my groin's lust-strings like a master banjo player, plucking at his...uh...banjo.
As for facial features- stubble is hell in reality, but damn it looks so good. It gives you that good good feeling, that a man is going to be masculine and hairy everywhere. And sometimes, when it has that gunmetal look to it- unf.
And I like big noses. Big weird noses. And lots of eyebrow. Basically a face that looks like it has features too big for it.
3.) Height and body type:
I hate to be a cliche, but the taller the better, really. I occasionally like a little pocket rocket like Sam Rockwell, but generally lean towards 6"0 and above. Biggest I ever fancied? 6"7.
However, I'm really not into those massive man mountain alpha male aliens from the planet CockBeef type of dude that's popular in many erotic romances. I prefer ropey, sinewy swimmer's bodies, or a body that says: I've had a tough life in some godawful future war. Like Kyle Reese.
4.) Visible age:
At the moment, I'm leaning towards 30-35. But I've fancied anything up to 70. Et voila:

Dudes below 25 need not apply.

5.) Bangability - i.e. kinky/bi/size:

Bisexual is absolutely okey-dokey by me. More than okey-dokey. As can be seen by my choices in probably a bit AC/DC if not out and out gay dudes: Lee Pace, Zachary Quinto, David Hyde Pierce, Kevin Spacey.

And although it's wildly unpopular, I like my guys to kink towards submissive. Not chained in a cage and crying submissive, but I do love a big masculine hairy guy giving in to the desires and demands of a strong heroine. I like my book fellas to be unable to control themselves, baffled by their own desires, and in need of a bit of taking in hand.

And it's a cliche, again, but yeah. I like a big donkey dick. Especially if the guy is quite meek and unassuming. Soz.
6.) Human or other:

Anything goes, for me. Humans, vampires, inccubi, werewolves, fairies, turnips, gargoyles, elves, giants, hedgehogs, demons...bring it on.

7.) Paranormal skills:

The ability to make a girl come with a wave of his magic wand. Yeah. That would be orsum. Also: mind reading! Fook me, can you imagine that?? He'd have a direct feed to every one of your desires, private fantasies, need for his hip to be a little to the left...


8.) Interests:

Books. Reading. My book boyfriend has to read. And preferably erotica, too. Unf. I also like it if he has an interest in one or more of the following: tank tops, zombies, making small clockwork toys, yoga, helicopter flying, mental asylums.

My book boyfriend is really unrealistic.

9.) Habitat:

A cabin, in the woods. Evol may or may not lurk there.

10.) Special skills:

The ability to overcome his sexual repression and sex all over me. Also- can make a fantastic seafood lasagne, and fly me out of a zombie apocalypse.

Seriously. For realz now. I had another dream last night about the zombies breaking into my house. Where are you, book boyfriend, in your helicopter??

Putting that insanity aside, I'm going to tag (or probably just ask, because I'm not sure about tagging. I think I can do it. I'll try and do it):

And I'm only tagging two because everyone else I know I'm either a) afraid of because they're so famous b) not sure if I'm enough of their friend for me to do this without them wondering what that weirdo wants.

But if anyone else does want to do it, please say so! I will happily (try to) tag you!


  1. Hey famous person - your Juicy Bit is in Scarlet magazine this month! Yes, right there in Tescos now!

  2. I luuuuurrrrrvvvve your book boyfriend. So...erhm...when it's time for the zombie apocalypse, do you think maybe you and your BBF could swing by in the helicopter and pick me up? Zombies wig me out...

  3. Yikes, I've been tagged! I feel like a dangerous offender! Oh yeah, I *am* a dangerous offender. Teehee. Will post this soonest - what fun!

  4. 假日的 - no problem! Thanks for stopping by!

    Janine- Yeah! I had the digital version, but didn't know when shop one was coming out. Ta, Janine. Also: famous person???

    Bronwyn- I'll be there! We're coming- just hold on! Don't get bit, okay?

    Justine- I tagged you because you *are* so dangerous. Dangerous like a sexy fox!