Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Another Mancandy Christmas!

Yep, it's that time of year again. A time of eating beetroot and ham together until your poop turns a funny colour. A time of watching so many sitcoms on the telly you start wondering why the funny things people say don't have a laugh track. A time of obsessively playing your DS until one hand goes weird and you genuinely fear that you've somehow induced temporary paralysis.

But more than all of those things, it's also a time for giving. So for the two people who are still reading this blog, here are my gifts to you. Complete with badly drawn MS paint stockings:

Yeah, I don't know why his head's like that, either. He's perfectly acceptable in the flesh, I swear! Please don't try to exchange him at Marks and Spencers for a better model, with a non-pointy hairdo.

You know why he's smiling like that? Because he's popping out of a stocking, hooray! It's absolutely not because he's diddling himself just below the edge of that weirdly misshapen sock. I mean, seriously? Where would you put your toes in a sock like that? You'd have to have fookin' Barbie feet to manage those things. Yet oddly, you'd also need ankles the size of two Christmas hams.

Also: I have no idea why these men's legs are so small in general. Hopefully it's just because those socks are really sweaty, and their lower bits shrivelled up like fingers in a bathtub.

They'll pop right back into shape no problems, I swear.

I don't know why Fassbender looks so pensive while inside his sock, here. He's the one I thought I'd do a rude joke with - you know, like, having a penis peep over the edge of the stocking top or summat. I dunno. Maybe he's just disappointed that his is the most normal sock. He wanted to shove his Barbie feet into that one of Ryan Gosling's, then get an Oscar nom next year for his work in the masterpiece "My Feet Are Really Little".

It's his knee, all right? His knee. Don't look at me like that. I'd never give away peeping penises for Christmas!

Except I totally would, of course.

Merry Christmas, everybody!


  1. I read this post yesterday... then last night I dreamt you were telling me that you'd entered some sort of competition whereby you hoped to win a van. If you won the vehicle, you explained, you would dub it Charlotte Stein's Sex Machine.

  2. Why have the penis peep when you can let the whole thing just hang out?

  3. Jezza - LOL it's like the insides of your brain know me well. Happy Crimbo!

    Covertalias - I think that's the most vital question ever posed on this blog. You get some Christmas wishes!