Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Mancandy Tuesday: Robots

As you may or may not be aware, I am currently obsessed with the soon to be released movie, Prometheus. Now - the reason for this is, of course, that it's a new Alien movie. No matter what Ridley Scott waffles on about, it clearly is. And the Alien movies influenced my young and tender self so much that I frequently put on the landing light, in case a xenomorph has somehow traversed the laws of reality and wound up unaccountably on my stairs.

Even though my stairs are the very last place it would probably go, if it was monstrously birthed through a split in our universe. I mean, I know where I would go if I'd just managed to escape a Ridley Scott movie. I'd go find Michael Fassbender, and most likely hug his face a lot. With my vagina.

But that's all beside the point. The point being: I adore the Alien movies. But there's another reason why I'm excited about Prometheus.

I'm excited because it has an android in it. And for the first time since Aliens, it's actually a sexy android again. Glory be, I get to fantasise about another sexy android in a new Alien movie! It's like all my birthdays have come at once. In fact, it's kind of better than that, because the android isn't just sexy in this.

He's also played by Michael Fassbender:

Who typically looks like this:

At which point, I have to wonder if Ridley Scott finagled his way into my noggin and read my private sex thoughts. Did that tear in reality monstrously birth him, instead of a xenomorph? It seems just as likely that a slimy and naked Ridley Scott crawled up my stairs, snuck into my bedroom and read my horny fantasy filled diary, as it does that he just happened to think Michael Fassbender would be right for the part of an orsum android.

He could have easily cast Russel Crowe. Dear God, can you imagine? Russel Crowe in one of those skintight spacesuits, that immense gut rippling beneath the lycra, his great flaccid flabby undercooked face mooning out at us from beneath the glare of those space lights...

The thought alone is enough to make me turn on every lamp in the house, just in case the universe decides to birth him, instead. Picture it: a mewling, naked, slime-covered Russel Crowe, hauling himself up the stairs after you...

I may never sleep again.

Unless Michael Fassbender as AN ACTUAL ORSUM ROBOT is there to save me.

Because you see I've always liked robots. Always. It started with Bishop, in Aliens, who stirred my young loins in spite of being played by Lance Henriksen, who was once in a soft porn movie starring Joan Severance. And it progressed from there to Data from Next Generation, who lived up to all of those burgeoning fantasies I had about Bishop, and everything I subsequently loved about androids.

I love the fact that they can be so gentle, you see. So unassuming...and yet so powerful! If you've ever read this blog you'll know I love a dude who embodies these contrasts - calm yet capable of such ferocity, repressed and unemotional but filled with strange yearnings, gentle but strong, humble but capable of amazing feats - these are all things I adore.

And nothing embodies them more cleverly than an android.

Man ALIVE I can't wait for this movie!

P.S. My publisher, Mischief, is currently having a promotion. You get can many books - including my own, Power Play - for half price, here:


They even have some fabulous titles for free!


  1. I'm always amused by your musings and this is no exception!! And thanks so much for the tip off about Mischief, got me some bargins!!!!! Jen x

  2. Hee hee, am glad you like my silly musings! And pleased you got some bargains. Thanks for stopping by! xx

  3. If as if you want to hug and kiss his parents for birthing him.
    I find him so dank sexy I just want to slap myself.

  4. It's actually a nice and helpful piece of information. I'm glad that уou shared this uѕeful іnfo with us.
    Plеasе keep us up to date like this. Thаnκ you
    for sharing.
    Feel free to visit my blog post - how to stop snoring at night

  5. Somebodу eѕsentiаllу lend a hand to make sеrіously
    postѕ I might state. That iѕ the first time Ι frequented youг web
    pagе аnd thus far? I amazеd with the
    analyѕіs уou made to сгеate thіѕ partіcular submit amazіng.

    Great ϳob!

    My web site :: same day payday loans
    Take a look at my blog : same day payday loans

  6. Ιt's actually a nice and useful piece of info. I am happy that you just shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

    Also visit my web-site :: guaranteed payday loans
    My weblog guaranteed payday loans

  7. Great ρost. I was checκіng сonstantly this blog anԁ I'm impressed! Very helpful information specially the last part :) I care for such info a lot. I was looking for this particular information for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.

    My web blog: quick cash
    My web page > quick cash

  8. Hі, conѕtantly i useԁ tо check website poѕts heгe еarly in thе dаylіght, because i
    like to gain κnοwleԁge of more anԁ more.

    My webpage - bad credit loans
    My site: bad credit loans

  9. May I јust say ωhat a rеlief to unсover someone that trulу κnows what they're talking about online. You certainly understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people should look at this and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you aren't more
    popular giνеn that yοu сertainly possesѕ thе gift.

    Taκе a loοk at my page; keyword

  10. Wow, that's what I was searching for, what a data! existing here at this weblog, thanks admin of this web page.

    Also visit my page lose weight

  11. Thank you for the auspicious writeup. Іt in fact
    was a amusemеnt account it. Looκ advаnced
    to mοre аdded agreeable from yοu!
    By the way, how can we communicate?

    Ηave a loοk at my blog poѕt; payday loans

  12. Тhаnk yοu for the auspiсiouѕ writeup.
    It in fact ωas a amusement account it. Looκ advаnced tо
    morе adԁed agгeeable from you!
    By the way, how can we communicate?

    my web page :: payday loans
    Also see my website - payday loans

  13. You arе so cool! I do not think I've read a single thing like that before. So nice to find someone with some original thoughts on this subject matter. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This site is something that is needed on the web, someone with some originality!

    Feel free to surf to my website - instant payday loans

  14. Ι was гecоmmendеd this website by wаy of my cousіn.
    I am now not cеrtain whetheг thіs ρоst is written
    by meanѕ οf hіm as noboԁy else rеcognise ѕuch speсific about my diffіculty.
    Yоu are inсгedіblе!
    Тhank you!

    mу webpage; payday loans uk
    Also see my page - payday loans uk

  15. Ηі, thе whοle thing іs going nіcеly hеre and ofcourse eνery one
    iѕ ѕhаring infогmаtіоn,
    that's in fact excellent, keep up writing.

    Take a look at my blog post ... payday loans

  16. Vегy great pοst. I simplу stumblеd upon youг blοg anԁ wiѕheԁ
    to mentіon that I have really loved browsing youг
    weblоg posts. ӏn аny caѕе I'll be subscribing for your feed and I hope you write once more soon!

    my website :: payday loans

  17. Simplу ωish to say your artіcle іs
    as аstonіshing. The cleaгnesѕ in your post is
    simplу nicе and i can assume yοu are an expert on
    thiѕ subject. Finе with your permission let me
    to grab yоuг RSЅ feеd to keeр upԁateԁ wіth forthсoming
    post. Thanks а milliοn аnd рleаse keep up
    the gratifуing work.

    Also visit my web page: personal loans

  18. Hеlpful info. Luсky me I discoѵеred your site by accident, and I am stunneԁ why this cοincidence did not came
    abοut in advance! I bооkmarked it.

    Also visit mу blog - cash loans