Saturday, January 2, 2010

New Year's Resolutions

Yes I am doing that fing. Here are my fings:

1. Drink more. Even though I don't drink.
2. Smoke more. Even though I don't smoke.
3. Eat more. Especially things that will turn me into The Blob. I intend to take over small town America in a Society/Slither type fashion by the end of the year. My insides will not be made of acid and/or people, however.
4. Write more. I intend to go for at least 3k a day, even though I am also going to be The Blob and typing may become difficult.
5. Send off to more places with stuff. This stuff may or may not be gelatinous. Important publishing types should expect extra jelly for their Christmas trifles.
6. Attack at gunpoint any publisher that dares to close. The gun won't be real, however. I feel my Blob-like status will be terrifying enough to make them forget things like profit margins.
7. Write more things that are as brilliant as Oglaf.
8. Fail at the above.
9. Read more. But not an 800 page Stephen King in two days, because this definitely causes blindness.
10. Review more. Especially movies. I adore movies, and hardly ever talk about them on my blog. Which is just madness, frankly, considering all the drivel I do ramble about.

I think that's enough for now. But know that I'm completely open to requests and suggestions. If you feel you know how Charlotte Stein could better serve the New Year and, indeed, yourself, drop her a line! Turning oneself into an amorphous mass doesn't take up that much time!


  1. Am typing at this very moment from small-town America, and can report that your list of resolutions is provoking great laughter and applause. So why go to all the trouble of blobbing, when you can have your way with us through mere blogging!

  2. At last! A list even I could aspire to.

  3. Jeremy- Hee hee! Maybe I'll have a re-think. The furious typing will probably help with the non-blobbing, anyway.

    Delilah- thanks for stopping by! I just feel that resolution lists are always designed to make you fail. Small insane targets- that's what people need!