Monday, July 5, 2010

Some Things I Have Watched

Here are some things I have watched, lately. I hate the summer, I hate the silence, I hate having nothing to do but wait and wait and wait and summer usually contains nothing but awful news anyway, and I'm trying to write but the silence is crushing me so:

Paranormal Activity: Much more creepy than it was jumpy, but creepy is better because creepy lingers in your mind. Afterwards, even hubby was like- DID YOU JUST HEAR THAT?? FOOK SOME KIND OF GOAT-SOUNDING DEMON IS COMING UP OUR STAIRS TO MAKE YOU KILL ME. Soz. Kind of some spoilers, there. Tho there isn't an actual goat-demon in the movie, it just sounds like one to me. Also- the chick in it looks a lot like me, and so can play a cuter, thinner version of myself in the story of my life: "Who The Fook Made This Thing, And For What Possible Purpose?"

Smart People: I think the above title of my life story should actually be the title of this movie. I usually love artsy fartsy indie movies, too, like Me and You and Everyone We Know, Away We Go, Margot At The Wedding, etc. But this one was just...oh, sigh.

Eagle Eye: A good, fun thriller. Thrillers tend to be so po-faced, now- not all slick and dumb like they were in the early nineties. So it was good to see a slick, pretty dumb thriller for once, with some engaging leads and no constant rain and depressed faces.

The Mutant Chronicles: Just what is this. What. I'm not even going to put question marks in there, that's how much WTF it is. This movie transcends my disbelief, and eradicates question marks. Awful.

Pretty Woman, or "Richard Gere's Character Is Such A Douchebag". I've seen the movie before, but I just wanted to stress again how much I hate it. I like a good alpha male. I think alpha males can be sexy and awesome (Clive Owen in Shoot 'Em Up, springs to mind), but personally I prefer an alpha that's been dialled down from the factor eight million he is here. Stop smirking, you douchebag. Yes, we realise you're much smarter with loads more power than a dumb hooker. Quit rubbing her face in it, you arrogant ass.

And that is my report on some things I have watched. I am hopeful that better movies are in my future, such as the thing I'm most excited for- Predators. Come ON Adrien Brody and Topher Grace! Bring that vagina-faced shit.

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